Oh, those crazy characters and the web they weave…
This morning at 6:24AM EST, while waiting in line for a bagel, Sydney Chase, owner of the mega-fashion modeling agency, Chase Modeling Agency, announced to WNYW-TV/FOX 5 New York, while wearing a smart coat paired with a Daphne bag, offered commentary on climate change while schmearing a generous helping of cucumber cream cheese, and sipping on a scalding black cup of Starbucks,
“…and I’d personally bitch-slap that Megyn Kelly if she even came anywhere near me with that climate change ‘hoax’ garbage she spews…we are pretty ripe for an alien invasion. Besides, I was so sick of waiting and waiting for Wentworth to complete my wedding gown in time for my Valentine’s Day wedding to Esmé in Sochi – you know things have been just terrible for her since news broke about Russell being a transgendered woman and now shacking up with Chaz Bono. I’ve been on the defense with Carrie (Chan); but finally, we just said, ‘to hell with it.’ We’re gay, getting married, and wearing Jason Wu while doing it.”
“Of course we’ll have to have it legally done in New York when we return, but I just couldn’t pass up Putin’s offer to be wed in his family dacha during the Olympics. Esmé just loves winter sports, and I am overwhelmed we will finally get to see the girls in ski jumping – Sarah Hendrickson’s a bridesmaid, and Johnny Weir’s our flower girl! We even got Emma Shapplin – it’s a gay miracle! We’re just so thrilled! Of course, it will be a simple Jewish ceremony, but Esmé was hoping to add some Zoroastrian elements, too. My mother was just a little upset because she was very concerned about me taking Esmé’s last name…but we all agreed it rhymed with ‘Sydney’, so it just wouldn’t do.”
Chase then wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her couture and added,
“This really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone…we were all very upset when my relationship with Mei Li ended in her tragic suicide, but as Matt O’Neill assured me, ‘Nobody can pin a thing on you, Syd – you’ve got real close friends here in the city.’ What a guy!”
The world awaits Chase’s upcoming appearance on Barbara Walters’ Most Fascinating People Special – The Doll World Legends…so we do hope you’ll be tuning in to your local FOX affiliate and commentary after the broadcast by Michele Bachmann on the sanctity of marriage brought to you by the good men and women who bring you the Family of Trojan Products.