Sydney Chase: “I’m Gay”

"I'm Gay."

“I’m Gay.” – Sydney Chase

Oh, those crazy characters and the web they weave…

The best in schmear...

The best in schmear

This morning at 6:24AM EST, while waiting in line for a bagel, Sydney Chase, owner of the mega-fashion modeling agency, Chase Modeling Agency, announced to WNYW-TV/FOX 5 New York, while wearing a smart coat paired with a Daphne bag, offered commentary on climate change while schmearing a generous helping of cucumber cream cheese, and sipping on a scalding black cup of Starbucks,

By Jason Wu

‘Daphne’ By Jason Wu

…and I’d personally bitch-slap that Megyn Kelly if she even came anywhere near me with that climate change ‘hoax’ garbage she spews…we are pretty ripe for an alien invasion. Besides, I was so sick of waiting and waiting for Wentworth to complete my wedding gown in time for my Valentine’s Day wedding to Esmé in Sochi – you know things have been just terrible for her since news broke about Russell being a transgendered woman and now shacking up with Chaz Bono. I’ve been on the defense with Carrie (Chan); but finally, we just said, ‘to hell with it.’ We’re gay, getting married, and wearing Jason Wu while doing it.”

Just a simple frock, please...

Just a simple frock, please…

“Of course we’ll have to have it legally done in New York when we return, but I just couldn’t pass up Putin’s offer to be wed in his family dacha during the Olympics. Esmé just loves winter sports, and I am overwhelmed we will finally get to see the girls in ski jumping – Sarah Hendrickson’s a bridesmaid, and Johnny Weir’s our flower girl! We even got Emma Shapplin – it’s a gay miracle! We’re just so thrilled! Of course, it will be a simple Jewish ceremony, but Esmé was hoping to add some Zoroastrian elements, too. My mother was just a little upset because she was very concerned about me taking Esmé’s last name…but we all agreed it rhymed with ‘Sydney’, so it just wouldn’t do.

Gay as a June Bride...

Esmé is gay as a June bride…

Untitled-1

Chase then wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her couture and added,

This really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone…we were all very upset when my relationship with Mei Li ended in her tragic suicide, but as Matt O’Neill assured me, ‘Nobody can pin a thing on you, Syd – you’ve got real close friends here in the city.’ What a guy!

More than friends...Family.

More than friends…Family.

The world awaits Chase’s upcoming appearance on Barbara Walters’ Most Fascinating People Special – The Doll World Legends…so we do hope you’ll be tuning in to your local FOX affiliate and commentary after the broadcast by Michele Bachmann on the sanctity of marriage brought to you by the good men and women who bring you the Family of Trojan Products.

"I am not David's Bridal, bitch." - Tyler Wentworth candidly remarks to TMZ

“I am not David’s Bridal, bitch.” – Tyler Wentworth candidly remarks to TMZ

3 thoughts on “Sydney Chase: “I’m Gay”

  1. Zoroastrian, holy smokes, my daughter just married a Zoroastrian man. In a Parsi(Zoroastrian) society women are held in high esteem and the second most important person in the wedding is the mother of the bride, the bride being the most important. Of course I knew nothing and the groom’s mom taught me what to do. We had two weddings tradtional western and, traditional Zoroastrian in which the Mother of the Bride runs the whole show. I had to buy saris and learn all the ceremonies I had to perform. My daughter wore a beautiful white wedding sari. My husband’s sister(aka in Parsi as Fooey normally the sister of the father) was my right hand lady, helping me carry all the items on the sase. Then I had 5 close friends, who are married and have had children as witnesses for the wedding. The groom’s mother has the same. There are two male witness(normally the husband of the sister of the father aka Fua), and 12 female witnesses to the wedding. The MOB must give the groom her permission to come onto the platform and marry her daughter. It was beautiful as was the Western wedding two days later. The whole week before the weddings were crammed with ceremonies and parties!!!
    So Esme, what aspects of this are you adding. Love to see you in a white wedding sari.

  2. Pingback: Barbara Walters’ Most Fascinating People Special – The Doll World Legends – Sydney Chase | tommydoll

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