If Dolls Collected Humans

IMG_6019

We’re a funny world, we doll people. But from the outside looking in, we can be perfectly mesmerizing in our talents, tastes, intelligence, creativity and even our stupidity. But that’s what makes us who we are – don’t hide from it – and don’t you dare deny it.

bs1456

I don’t understand the question.

In a parallel universe, dolls collect people – let’s rip a hole in space and time, and listen in on one of their chats, shall we Puddings?

humandoll

Humans – Being. Chatroom for the collectors of humans only – androids or other human-like beings are not welcome here:

I just got my new People of Walmart human and I have to say the quality is really dropping on these. She came with no underwear, and she had stains on her legs and face.

polimn

Which God made these humans? Does he make them all, or just a few? Are there other Gods that make these humans, or is there just the one?

godman

I just tried a head swap with disastrous results! I don’t recommend it unless you have the hands of a surgeon – ack!!!

foothead

I have a human that just had triplets, so in a few weeks, I’ll have an LE 3 available for sale.

triple

I just love the newest face makeover on Joan! She’s looking more and more Bratz everyday. The artist remaking her is very talented.

joan1

Asking for dolly prayers, friends – my friend Betsy just completely came unstrung, and had to be sent to the hospital. We don’t know how long she’ll be there, and we pray they can pull her back together.

dismmember

Just had my hair done, and GIRLS did it hurt! Having that blonde streak added was more painful than having a needle shoved all the way into my brain!

eBay Rant: So upset with seller who sent me this human – not only is her head way too big but her eyes are uneven! The seller told me that he didn’t accept returns and that all humans are different – there’s bound to be some variation. The nerve!

bigbarbie

Who’s watching America’s Next Top Model? I wonder if any of those girls will be available for sale after the event?

nuns1

Can anyone help me with my human’s legs? They’re just not as firm as they were when I bought her 20 years ago, and they’ve developed these strange dimples – can these be removed?

thighs

Love, Love, LOVE my new man! His body is perfect, and his features are just so sexy! My girls are going to love him! I just wish he came with more accessories for the price, but he’s a real keeper.

drag

My human has a face that just simply hasn’t stood the test of time – I’ve tried restoring the original paint and adding new hair, but he just looks like a woman to me.

bruce

I’m not bonding with my new Kim Kardashian, so I’m selling her for what I paid, which isn’t much. She’s way out of proportion, and I find her to be difficult to redress. Think she’d be great remade as a bride or Ursula from Little Mermaid.

kimbad

Does anyone know if Bob Mackie is still taking commissions? I just got Cher, and she really needs some clothes.

cher1

Mixed emotions about my new fashion model human – I bought her ‘never removed from baggie’, but it seems mine only sleeps – does anyone else have this problem?

baggie1

I am so ANGRY about my new human’s broken arm. I was simply trying to bend it backwards to get it in its sleeve, and it just snapped! I’ve tried and tried to contact the maker, but they aren’t answering any of my emails. Does anyone have a number for them?

medionom

OK EVERYONE – New Haute Couture Collection Thoughts! What are your favorites? I really liked the big black dress – but if they had made it in red, I would have bought it. Thought the sparkle evening group lacked imagination – really…sequins again? Somebody really needs to go back to design school – and did you see the prices? I don’t know about you, but I can only get so much cash whoring out my Teen Scene Humans.

teenwlomn

You know what? If American Humans have the right to free speech, then so do I. I can’t stand how some dolls put their humans on a pedestal and make the rest of us feel like common plastic. Don’t flame me – this is just my humble opinion – that, and I melt easily.

adlingerie

Sad today, we just lost Frisky when he was caught under a lawn mower – nobody even saw him there in the grass. I know there are hundreds of him out there, but my Frisky was unique – it’s a black day in the dreamhouse.funwreath

Wanted To Buy: Blondes from The Real Housewife series – only the plasticky ones, please.

housewife12

Have you seen some of these athletic humans? Those bodies are just impossible – they send a bad message to children that make them believe that they can achieve a body like that with lots of hard work. It’s like saying anybody can be President. I’d rather be like Barbie – millions of girls have a figure like hers!

body123

Last Chance Before eBay: Miley Cyrus – slightly used and a little soiled – should age well with a little love. Perfect for a makeover – the most celebrated are the rehabilitated I always say!

toobadfor

Did anyone else get one of the FOX News Correspondents Collection? How do I get their bullshit to work? TIA!!!

bsjohny

Playing with my new Jon Hamm – the camera just loves him! I’m going to redress him as Batman – think he’d be much better than that stupid Ben Affleck – who’s STILL available, I might add.

hammjon

The Theme for this Week: Albinos and Rubies: Show us your pearly whites with shots of red!

abcooper

For Sale: Human head – perfect for makeover with the right body. Some wear.

inthebox

Has anyone else had a problem with your Trailer Trash humans? Are their legs really supposed to come apart like that?

needless1

OK…so who bought Paris Hilton? Does she really come with all that baggage? I don’t understand why she’s so sought after, she’s not even in mint condition anymore.

philton

Gagagirl: PM Me – I think I have some old clothes of Madonna’s that might work for you.

gagalomnom

I just got the new Robert Tonner, and he doesn’t look like his promo photos at all…I will never pre-order again!

tommyf11

 

6 thoughts on “If Dolls Collected Humans

  1. I had so much fun reading this, Tommy. You are a doll. Do you also collect humans, LOL? You made so many funny statements that I cannot begin to comment on all of them. Great take on this!!!

My blog is satire, but your thoughts are welcome!

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